Am I confusing God?

When lay in bed at the end of the I pray lord please take me tonight i can not take it any more. How long should i endure this miserable life. i fall asleep listening to my wife’s silent cry , tears-reminder of my failure as a man and husband, hoping never to wake up. 
 Than it happens and i open my eyes to new day. I thank God for another day!? Why do i do this, why?

Am i confusing God? 

Is He just shaking his head in disgust, or anger? 

Am i just to arrogant to think He even cares for my being? Or even knows who or what i am or what i am going through”?

Is He making fun of me every night and every morning by doing the opposite of my asking? Is He confused by what I ask every night and what I say every morning?
No! He is God. He is never confused! But why?




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